i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
