Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize