On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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