i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize