Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
