I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
