i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
