The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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