I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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