Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
