apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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