so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
