I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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