So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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