I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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