laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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