how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
