Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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