i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
