I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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