you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
