sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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