it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How does one acquire holy water?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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