You're my little dorito
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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