I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
