put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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