There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
