wanna go halves on a baby?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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