everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
