p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
