I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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