My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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