Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
