Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
