if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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