So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
