Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We need to get me chipped asap
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
