Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
