Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
