i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
