Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
