sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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