i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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