god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
