Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
