I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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