i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
