what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
