i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
