Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
