Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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