Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
