So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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