Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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