Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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