Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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