o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
