from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize