i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she told me i tasted like america
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
