Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
