i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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