Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
