I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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