i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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