that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
