jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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