i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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