When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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