My nipple is on Facebook.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
