I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
