Who did Billy Mays play for?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize